Well, there are these questions, as you are asked in many job interviews. Again and again. Well over 100 of them can be found here. As a rule, candidates prepare thoroughly for what HR expect in a certain way. The result is highly polished answers that sound just like the phrases in the reference certificate years later. But honestly, that's not really convincing. Therefore - and as a refreshing satire - at this point once brutal, naked and unvarnished answers to typical questions in the application, which may be much more often and much closer to the truth.
Cheerful to deadly: answers for a successful cancellation
Some job interview somehow gets out of hand: Stupid question asked, wrong answer given. For example: "We'll get in touch." (Which translates to as meaning "you're out!"). Endstation cancellation.
In fact, there are a few deadly job interview answers that can cost a head and a career - whether accidentally or intentionally ... Because that's what it takes: answers for an elegant finish. After all, such a bold answer can also be a veritable hero emergency exit ...
Brutally honest answers to typical questions in the job interview
The following "honest" answers are not likely to lead to a job. On the tongue, they should have lain some applicants yet anyway. No wonder: they would be refreshingly open and authentic ...
Tell me something about you!
I thought I'd have sent you my CV for that. Did you even read that?
What's your biggest weakness?
I used to be a big music fan of Britney Spears, but today I'm really into the songs of Talor Swift.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
You definitely want to hear that I want to develop, look for new challenges, strengthen my strengths and do the best for your company. But hey, what's the question? We both know that in five years I will see myself on a beach on the South Sea, where you serve me the cocktails.
Why did you quit your last job?
The guys were assholes. Especially my boss. The rest: psychopaths, creepers and dumb babblers. Lousy was only the payment. Speaking of which: what do you pay me?
What salary do you expect?
I know what you expect: That I do not work for money. But the truth is: motivation alone can not pay my bills. And the 60,000 baht that they paid me in the last job, measured by my performance pure exploitation. So, if you already ask like that: Under 90,000 you will not see me smile here.
Tell me about one of your biggest challenges and how you mastered them.
So that's how it was: We were far behind the times with our project. Two days to the deadline, and I had no more relish on the mandatory project. But I knew that my colleague had been keeping an eye on me for a long time. So I suggested to him that if he does the thing by tomorrow alone, I'll go out with him. He put in a night shift and paid me all the drinks. But I went home alone anyway. Incidentally, the boss thought the project was great.
Would you be ready for the job?
Ever heard of internet? Video conferencing? Smartphones? Skype? But we are already talking about a job that I should start in 2020?
Do you rather work in a team or rather individually?
In the past few years, I've realized that I prefer not to work at all. In groups, however, I'm particularly good at delegating tasks to those team members who can not wait to prove themselves. But of course it is much easier to procrastinate and simply postpone important projects. You can also transfer personal responsibility to me. In terms of other-in-the-butt-kicking I'm almost unbeatable.
Why do you want this job?
Because my landlord will toss me out otherwise. Because I have to pay maintenance. Because the others want to pay me less.
What are you excited about?
Now? Here? Well, at that moment, I'm really electrified that my 8-year study with honors, the money for the tuition I've invested in, and the countless internships that were necessary have finally brought me here, where fate my future career depends on a guy in a 80-euro polyester suit who asks me questions that are as animated as the cuddly cemetery.
What would be an ideal work situation for you?
In the meantime I have found out that it would be ideal not to work at all. Or at least just give instructions and delegate the annoying stuff. I'm really thrilled when the job brings a high salary and prestige and can still be done in a few hours. Incidentally, I find trust-based working very important. Likewise free internet. With my previous employer, I was able to achieve some of these goals successfully until the annual meeting. Now I want to develop this and look for a new challenge ...
I thought that would be a nice move, after I wrote a study for you in my master's thesis that you were able to sell to your clients and for the last two years I was able to do the job of Ms. Iris as an intern for 20,000 Baht Burnouts has terminated ...
Money. The more the better. It's the same with beer. But that takes longer and you get breasts. Of course sex works too. But do not worry, you are definitely not my type. Not even with beer.
Tell me about how you had to criticize a colleague.
It's interesting that you ask that. Just recently told my office neighbor, "If you steal my idea again and sell in the meeting as yours, the controlling gets an anonymous letter, you should check your expense report from December again. Especially the point: customer acquisition in Pattaya. "Chakalaka has looked! But since then, the male does when he sees me.
What are you particularly proud of?
I've written to you that my five years of optimizing workflows enable me to save a lot of your company's costs and continually improve production. And you believed that.
What attracts you to our company?
Honestly? Nothing. The store is as boring as toast. But six months of unemployment are also not just Songkran holidays. Also, the job description sounded like a tepid job, and I would not even have to move. If the salary is right, now I could even go on vacation twice a year.
If you were an animal, which one would you be?
What was the most important lesson of your study?
From what you hear here, you can use at most five percent. But as long as the note is correct, not even Vroniplag is interested in getting the most bullshit talking. Achso, and: If you need cheap cutlery for your place, go eat in the cafeteria.
What would you do if you win the lottery?
Certainly not working here anymore.
How do you feel when you receive a "no" answer?
Frankly: I can not do it well today. The last time someone said that to me, I got three months probation. I do not know where the guy and his family are now. But my two brothers are just looking around, they are quite well wired by their debt collection company. And you know, you always meet twice in your life. But now I'm off to ask: Will you hire me?
What would you do if you knew you could not possibly accomplish your daily tasks?
1. Find a credible culprit.
2. Closing time.
How do I act as an interviewer in your eyes?
Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha Hahahaha haha.
Job interview: The most crazy questions to applicants
They are laughing ... yet. So many a personals shoots in the interview but actually beyond the goal. That's why we've gathered from various reader reactions and present the most outrageous questions that HR managers have actually asked:
If you were a chocolate, what color would you have and why?
What would you prefer: losing a hand or an eye?
How clean is your car?
What do you think about porn?
What do you think of Asians?
Are you a spy?
Have you ever killed someone?
How will you feel the same if I do not give you the job?
If you were on the edge of a cliff, could you ever imagine jumping off?
Why should I hire you if you later become a competitor?
Do you know how to shut down a Mac?
If you were an ice cream, what flavor would you have and why?
Does your father wear a suit at work?
Do you prefer a red wine, a white wine or a beer?
What would your greatest enemy say about you?